Reflections on 2023: A Year of New Beginnings
Reflection enables me to make meaning of my life experiences, bringing alignment between who I am, what I do and what I experience. Writing empowers me to process these diverse emerging reflections and operate from a place of clarity. 2023 was a chaotic year for me. My excessive reflection without consistent writing created an illusionary lack of coherence.
I wanted to write my annual reflections for a while, but I had been so attached to the form of the reflection that I did not honour what was emerging in my mind, body, heart and soul. Therefore, this year’s reflection is a true surrender to what is alive instead of customary. As a result, its structure and tone are different from the previous ones.
New Beginnings, not Chaos
Nothing symbolises new beginnings like New Year fireworks. Despite waking up at midnight to their sounds, I savoured them with childlike joy. Unable to return to sleep, I read the Marginalian newsletter in my inbox, where I stumbled upon the following poem.
FOR A NEW BEGINNING
by John O’DonohueIn out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life’s desire.Awaken your spirit to adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.
The poem brought home an important realisation. As with this yearly reflection, I held on to many “should haves” and “musts” this year. I should have learnt with greater focus…I should have created more space for my rituals... I must focus on my physical fitness…My work must bring alive my purpose in a particular manner… and so on. I wrote more about this in my post on striving earlier this year.
As a result, I was not ‘unfurling myself into the grace of beginning’. The poem helped me reframe that 2023 was not a year of chaos but of transitions and many new beginnings. I not only moved physically to a new continent and new house, but I also moved spiritually by changing my work and socially by leaving behind a deep and diverse support system I had built back home.
Relocating and settling in, temporarily working in a toxic workplace and dealing with multiple episodes of poor health of family and self was not easy. External challenges notwithstanding, holding tightly to my expectations about myself took a real toll on me. Change was inevitable, but I was holding on to the ‘promises that sameness whispered’ and making my life difficult.
I am entering 2024 thinking about what it means to hold lightly, savour what life brings, and continually create space for what needs to die and what is waiting to be born.
Islands of Coherence in the Chaos
I was privileged to co-create a space on Operating with Ecosystemic Awareness where Otto Scharmer opened with this quote by the Nobel Prize-winning chemist Ilya Prigogine.
“When a system is far from equilibrium, small islands of coherence in a sea of chaos have the capacity to lift the entire system to a higher order.” ~ Ilya Prigogine
Even when I felt the year was chaotic, I was grateful for many islands of coherence in my life that uplifted everyone who participated in them, myself included.
- Co-weaving experiences, which move people to embrace wholeness, mattered to me. I felt most energised when I could bring it alive, whether in the Systems Learning Series for the Catalyst 2030 community, Rechilding for Regenerating with Thriving Children Everywhere, Mastery of Holding Space with Satya Gopalan and Taking Up Space, and everything within the Wellbeing Movement, especially the BLR Wellbeing Festival.
- Being in communities of belonging made my whole self feel held and supported. I felt grateful for our many check-ins, deep sharings, listening and resonances, and the emerging connections with like-hearted souls. I saw myself more clearly in the mirror of others’ stories. I feel immensely grateful for the Wellbeing Movement community, the Thriving Children Everywhere team, the Regenerative Leadership Journey Alumni, and most importantly, my partner.
I realised the ‘who’ matters much more than the ‘what’ and ‘why’. When co-travellers are aligned in values and intention, what is born is more beautiful than you can imagine. In 2024, I want to be more intentional about the people I co-create with.
Learning as a Way of Life
I beat myself up a lot for not learning enough. In hindsight, while learning was less intentional and structured, I grew immensely in 2023.
- Firstly, I was moving to a more embodied understanding of many practices and perspectives I had learned. For instance: 1) I could identify, listen to and let go of my inner chatter from moment to moment more often, which was far more potent than meditating on the cushion. 2) I used a portfolio of emotional resilience practices (like emotional awareness, self-compassion, attention-focus, gratitude, daily reflection and reframing, and Metta) more expertly, which ensured my emotional wellbeing despite the turbulence.
- Secondly, I grew tremendously as a husband, a father, and a person inhabiting a new context. My partner and I had many more difficult conversations with candidness as we normed and adapted to our new lives. I witnessed my daughter’s growth with gentleness and without holding judgments about her evolving sense of self, varying attachment to people around her, and her many toddler tantrums. I learnt to be authentic and open with colleagues from diverse cultures while being respectful and inclusive.
- Thirdly, I learned a new spiritual practice this year. Metta, or loving-kindness, was something I explored more deeply in the last quarter of this year (grateful for the Four Fearless Hearts Pod by Service Space and the Loving Kindness Challenge by Sharon Salzburg). I found the practice transformative in the face of personal and societal struggles. Metta prevented empathic distress, bridging the gap between heavy emotions and compassionate action. It helped me feel softer and lighter in difficult moments. It nurtured connectedness with others by helping me recognise our shared aspiration for happiness and the everyday struggles that come with it.
In 2024, I intend to reflect on what I am learning more consistently and deepen my spiritual practices — especially around Metta. I want to value my inner growth and embodiment of learning as much as acquiring new skills and knowledge.
Moreover, I felt my self-righteous tendencies playing out often. I want to learn to make myself zero and operate with a spirit of genuine service (thanks, Arhan, for introducing me to the phrase). This inner place is invaluable in nurturing movements and weaving communities.
Closing Out
While I often felt I was languishing at different points on many days, I ended most days feeling hopeful, grateful, and compassionate. While it was a testing year, I responded to whatever emerged with grace and love for the most part. I am leaving 2023 feeling more oneness with myself and others, including many I disagree with.
Thank you for reading. Your attention to my musings is a gift to me. May you be happy and well in 2024. I hope you find the patience, understanding and courage to deal with whatever arises.
