The Gift from my Ancestors

I am the grandson of refugees who fled from Sindh during the partition of undivided India. I have come to realise some problematic tendancies of mine, like my anxiety, are explained through unprocessed, inter-generational trauma related to this event. However, this connection to the past has also opened another door to the gifts I have inherited.

I received gratitude from my dadi (paternal grandma) and dad; courage from my nani (maternal grandma); a sense of duty and service from my dada (paternal grandpa) and dad; my spirit of adventure from my nana (maternal grandpa); my spirit of care and interest in others from my mom; and my lightheartedness from my masi (mom’s sister) and kaka (dad’s brother). Most of these capacities were not taught to me explicitly. Seeing my loved ones live these qualities helped me imbibe them.

Our story begins a long time before birth, and there are treasures in our past we don't always recognise (Photo by Florian Klauer on Unsplash)

Recognising both the trauma and the gifts together helps me feel:

• grateful for everything I have received — so many gifted people cared about me.
• accepting of my family members — they did the best they can with the tools, resources and awareness they had.
• accepting of myself — who I am today is a function of many forces and causes, some of which even preceded my birth.
• humble about who I am — the illusion of being a self made individual is shattered, and replaced by this ever flowing stream of life.
• abundant in paying it forward — my most valuable gifts were given freely and willingly, and I can't hold back what I bring to the world.
• assured as a father — I don't have to be perfect, and my daughter will still be okay if I do my best.
• proud of my identity— an antidote to the sense of inferiority created in the face of widespread colonial thinking.

Thich Nhat Hanh said, "If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people." It is both humbling and empowering to remember this when we feel overwhelmed, lost or alone.

Notes:

• I acknowledge that not all people are as lucky as me. Some have a history of toxic and abusive behaviour within family. If you have had such an experience, you can disregard my invitation. Respecting your own needs and boundaries is vital.
• You could explore the influence of any adult who made you feel seen, heard, supported or respected as a child, even if they are not related by birth. A teacher, a caregiver, a neighbour, a friend’s parent, or even a pet — all of them can shape us in ways we don’t notice. I didn't mention this point because it was outside the scope of inter-generational gifts.

Source of Inspiration:

This inspiration for this post came from my friend Tulika’s post on the same topic — the gift from my ancestors.

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